Thursday, May 28, 2015

Precious Treasures

Glassblowing is an art. Beautiful treasures can be created by manipulating molten glass, but in order for the glass to take the desired shape it must first be exposed to fire, often repeatedly in a short amount of time, to make it soft and yielding. With a careful and intentional orchestration of tugging and pulling masterpieces emerge from the flames.

My family had the privilege of watching an artist blow glass once on a family vacation and it was an incredible experience to witness. I was fascinated because it didn't seem entirely intuitive to me; the color crystals didn't always create the color I expected; the pulling and tugging all had different results; there was carefully orchestrated "breaking" involved.  I guess the most surprising part of it for me was the breaking; I had always considered breaking glass a bad thing, a messy thing, even a potentially dangerous thing. But under the right circumstances broken glass can be beautiful, stunning even. 

Right now our family is like an incomplete sculpture.  Some days it feels like we are thrown in the fire and forgotten about but it is always followed by this incredible tugging and pulling on my heart shaping me and transforming me.  I don't know what we will look like when this is all finished, but then again I'm not the artist.

Nothing about this past year has happened as I expected, but the end result is nothing short of miraculous.  We may still be unfinished, but I know with all of my heart that we are at the hand of a magnificent Artist and crafted out of love. I'm thrilled to report that after 123 days in the the flames (aka the NICU) our family has finally emerged stronger than ever before with the addition of our sixth and final member.  Welcome home Baby A! THANK YOU JESUS!!!

In many ways it feels like we have been at this forever but it also very much feels like a new beginning.  Some quiet time would be nice (figuratively speaking, not literally - with 4 kids 5 and under our house is anything but quiet), but if we get thrown back into the fire again that's okay, I'm not afraid anymore; as long as we choose love above all other emotions and choices we cannot be broken...at least not in a way that wouldn't bring us closer to God - and that my dear friends is a beautiful thing and something to be treasured.


We're thrilled you're home, too, Baby A!

My treasures, my heart, my purpose.

Hebrews 12:29
For our God is a consuming fire.

Colossians 2:2-3
My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.

Isaiah 33:6
He will be the sure foundation for your times, a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the LORD is the key to this treasure.

Inspirational Quote:
"God has entrusted us with His most precious treasure - people.  He asks them to shepherd and mold them into strong disciples, with brave faith and good character. ~ John Orthberg

My Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,
You have blessed us beyond what our imaginations were capable of imagining. You saved us when we were on the cusp of being lost forever.  You have loved us faithfully every step never leaving our side.  Through this experience You have brought us - and so many others - closer to You so that we may know You more personally and trust You more fully.  "Thank you" doesn't seem nearly sufficient for what You have given us. I know You must have big plans for these little girls and their siblings otherwise the enemy wouldn't have tried so hard to take them away; the enemy is always lurking when Your work is being done.  Please help us nourish our children with the love and values they will need to continue the good fight. Please protect all of their hearts and give us the courage and strength we will need to step back into the fire when the time is right.  In the meantime please give us peace and quiet to enjoy and cherish these four tiny little blessings.  Thank You.  In Jesus' name, Amen.









Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Finding Adventures in Detours

Our eldest child, our son, was born right smack dab on our wedding anniversary. That day was such an incredible celebration that we decided the only way we could top the next year was to do something big for all of us. That "something big" was a trip to Russia. 

You might think we were crazy to take a 12 month old on such a trip but we are always up for new experiences and adventure. We were also very prepared. To mitigate the risk of unpleasant layovers or delays and being trapped in an airport with a baby we drove 4 hours to Chicago. We carefully selected an international flight that would align well with nap times. We made arrangements for a car service to pick us (and our 10 bags. Yes, 10 bags. No, I'm not joking.) up at the airport and drive us to the port town outside of London where we would embark on our cruise the next day. We prepaid all of our excursions eliminating the need for cash. We called our credit cards with the dates and locations of our cruise ports. We had thought of everything.

Everything went perfectly according to our plan. Well, until it didn't...when we arrived at the hotel after several days of traveling with a tiny companion there was a message waiting for us with our keys - the cruise ship had caught on fire and was stuck at sea. The trip was cancelled. We were screwed; we had no money, we had no access to our credit cards, we couldn't call our credit cards without paying to use the phone, our phones didn't work internationally and Gmail was down (when does that ever happen??) so we had no way of notifying anyone who might be able to help us of our predicament. We had no food (other than pumped breast milk) and no return flight for another two weeks. Oh, and we had a baby. And 10 bags.

We had no idea where we were going to sleep, where our next meal would come from or what we would do, but guess what? We weren't alone - there were hundreds of people in our same predicament. Maybe not traveling with a baby, but still the same. 

Some of them immediately became victims and those victims became angry and those angry victims wanted justice; they grouped together and plotted about how they would contact the local media and tell the whole world how awful it was to be them. I've got to say it was pretty awful to be them; they were so busy getting their revenge that they didn't stop to think about other ways they could be spending their vacation. 

Some people were so worried about how they were going to eat that they were too worried to eat when food was provided. Some people were calm (I'd say we fell into this category) and some people were...wait for it...happy. Yes, their plans were shot to hell but they still found a way to be happy and if they could find a way to be happy then so could we!

We negotiated an alternative cruise to the Mediterranean five days later and in the meantime bounced around hotels and cities and even countries courtesy of the cruise line.  We may not have had any money or any say in where we were going but we could certainly control how we spend those "thought" hours and use them to figure out how we could make the best of a less than ideal situation. 

Fortunately the car service we used to get from the airport to our hotel took a risk on us that we would work out payment so every day we took a new unexpected adventure. We even told the driver at one point to just surprise us and take us some place new and unique - and he did - so we saw some really great places and got to experience some really great food...all because we threw our doubts, fears and reservations to the wind. Or out to sea.

Our perfectly planned nap schedule was shot, our clothes were not weather appropriate, we lost all but one precious binkie (if you have small children you know how serious this is), we were tired (and tired or carrying a mountain of bags) but with positive attitudes and determination we turned this unexpected cancellation into a detour and the detour into an adventure. Eventually we made it to Russia...just a year later. 

Not Russia
Definitely not Russia
Finally Russia!

We recently encountered another unexpected detour in life that I know will certainly call us to have that same positive attitude and determination; last week we were absolutely stunned by the news that our Baby B was completely and permanently deaf in both ears.   

Although it is impossible to tell what caused this, it was likely the antibiotics she needed after getting E. Coli infections in her incision after both of her surgeries for NEC.  It would be easy to allow myself to be angry with the hospital and doctors for the infections, but it would be wrong.  It would be easy to allow myself to be angry with God for taking away her hearing after everything else she had been through, but that would also be wrong.  Two wrongs don't make a right.

It has been nearly a week now and although I still have my moments of emotion, I've discovered through leaning on God's understanding rather than my own that everything happens for a reason.  I don't know why this happened, but He does.  He gave us these precious babies just as He gave us our two older treasures.  Each child was chosen for us.  Each child was given to us and each child is a blessing.  

What has really brought me peace is recognizing that He also gave us to them.  There was something He saw in us that made us a perfect match for them and He has given us everything we need to provide for each of them individually and collectively.  He knows we will do everything possible to give them the best opportunities.  He knows we have an incredible support system with a loving grandmother and great aunt among others.  He knows she will not walk this alone.  He knows we will turn this new path in our lives into a detour and this detour into an adventure just as we know He will give us everything we need in order to do so.  She is a special girl but not because of her special needs - she is an over comer. She will overcome this setback just as she has so many (far too many for such a tiny little baby IMO).  She will learn to speak and share her story someday - this is just a detour in her path not the end of the road.

Our precious Baby B - we will do whatever it takes to help you get to "Russia"

This is the first time I have publicly shared this information so if this is the first time you're hearing of this please do not offer your condolences - it is what I thought I wanted to hear but I don't; they only weigh us down and if I've learned anything it is the importance of packing light.  Instead, please pray for our family and wish us the best of luck on this new adventure!

Matthew 11:28-30

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke us easy and my burden is light.

Inspirational Quote:

"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet.  Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved. ~ Helen Keller

My Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

My heart broke for my little girl and yet you hold the pieces in your very capable hands; I trust you with the pieces of my heart.  I trust you with the plans you have for my family.  I trust good to come out of this pain and discomfort.  Please help me keep my focus on you and of the good that will come out of this.  Please help me see the blessings you have given us and those which are yet to come and please don't let me get distracted by the things that do not matter.  Father, I know that what matters is that my children - all of them - grow up surrounded by love; love is something you feel not hear so please help our Baby B feel your love and mine.  I pray that she is a good candidate for cochlear implants so that she may one day hear my voice and the voices of her father, her brother and her sisters.  More importantly I pray that she hears your voice in her heart.

I pray that you guide our choices in her care and development.  I pray that she will not be labeled and if she is, I pray that she knows she is more than a label.  I pray for her brother and sisters that they may all love one another equally as we do and in the process be more empathetic to the needs of those around them in any and all situations. Thank you for this detour; I may not be able to see where we are going, but I trust it will not only be great when we get there but great getting there as well. In Jesus' name, Amen.