Celebrating Rainbows

Our little Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS) survivors are one month old today! Can they get a hip, hip hooray?!?

This past month has been incredibly hard but also amazingly wonderful.  Since they were born at 25 weeks 6 days gestation, life for them is really as if they were still in the womb with lots of sleeping. Except they have to breath. All day, every day.  We're really trying to get the message across to both of them that this is not a breathing optional world...and they are starting to get the message.

We truly have a lot to be thankful for and celebrate; in the past thirty days both have graduated off the nitric oxcide (yay!), both have graduated off of the ventilators (double yay!), and both are gaining weight steadily weighing in at 2 lbs 10 oz (birthweight 1 lb 12 oz) and 3 lbs 4 oz (birthweight 2 lbs 3 oz).  Both were stable enough to get PICC lines (essentially really super long IVs) to help them get extra nourishment...and, as of today, both get to say "goodbye" to their PICC lines and "hello" to fortified breast milk! Go twins! So, yes, we have a LOT to celebrate!

Being a mother of twins is such an incredible experience and I have simply fallen madly in love with both of them.  I love snuggling them.  I love changing their itty bitty little diapers.  I even love smelling them (the babies, not the diapers).   Having two at the same time I can say without a doubt that they are two VERY different people with two VERY different personalities and I will even go so far as to say that despite being identical I can easily tell them apart just by looking at them.  Baby A, our TTTS donor, is just like her daddy and can't hold still.  She is a tiny little busy body and wiggles all over the place, even in her sleep.  Baby B, our TTTS recipient, is just the opposite.  She is perfectly content laying still all day long (just like me).

Baby A with her hand wrapped around my thumb!

Snuggle time with Baby B!

Motherhood in the NICU is very different from my past experiences.  Yes, I get to kiss them, snuggle them (kangaroo-style), change their diapers and sing songs to them, but someone else gets to feed them - granted its through a tube.  If they get into a tough spot and struggle someone else gets to make it all better and someone else gets to watch over them and tuck them in at night. I have accepted that this is just the way it is right now and I know they are in good hands; I certainly couldn't do what they do for my girls...I've tried and I've just been in the way, which is hard because I'm mom and moms fix things and make them all better.

Maybe my other two kiddos have sensed this need I have to fix things and make them all better because in the past 30 days they/we have had the stomach flu, colds, conjunctivitis and broken bones. Well, one broken bone.  A toddler fracture, really.  Apparently going down a slide (even a toddler slide) on a parent's lap = Emergency Room visit.  Write that on your forehead if you have small children.  You're welcome.

Yeah, this happened.

Every time a new disaster popped up, especially the ones that kept us from seeing the girls, it was incredibly frustrating.  I just wanted an "easy button", just a pause until we could regroup and get back on our feet.  There wasn't an easy button, but I will say that through prayer I was able to accept things and choose love over anger (most of the time).

Actually the only reason I'm even sharing this is so that hopefully whomever is reading this will turn to prayer when they are looking for an easy button.  Sometimes, when it rains it pours, but that is when you need to look for a rainbow (aka God's presence and promise to us).  Looking back there was a rainbow after each one of these storms; each time we got sick our immune systems got a little stronger, and hopefully, by the time the twins come home we will be immune to everything.  Plus, the immunities pass to the babies through my milk.  Now that my daughter is home full-time with me having her in a cast has actually been a blessing; she broke her leg just a few days after I got home from the hospital and I would not have been able to keep up with her otherwise. Plus, she was never in any pain and never cried. (I can't say that I didn't.) So yes, we have a lot to celebrate!

Genesis 9:16
When I see the rainbow in the clouds I will remember the eternal covenant between God and every living creature on earth. 

Philippins 4:13
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Inspirational Quote:
"If you want the rainbow you gotta put up with the rain." ~ Dolly Parton

My Prayer:
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank You, Thank You, Thank You for all of the blessings You have given us, most importantly being the protection of our precious little babies.  Thank you for strengthening them and for giving our family the strength we need to get through this rainy season of our lives. 

Please place Your hand on their tiny little hearts and their tiny little brains and heal them in the places they need to be healed. Strengthen them in the places they need to be strengthened.  You know what they need and we trust You to give them what they need in Your perfect way and in Your perfect timing. Please show Your great love to all four of my children, comfort them, and protect them. We love You and we trust You. Amen.

Happy Birthday!

It has been a week now since I heard the most magical sound of my life; it was delicate and light yet full of strength and life.  It was the sound of one of my babies crying; a sound I didn't expect to hear at 25 weeks 6 days gestation, but there it was clear as a bell!  Baby A, our Twin-to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS) donor, came out first at 1 pound 12 ounces letting the whole world know she was here.  She was followed just one minute later by her sister, our TTTS recipient, at 2 pounds 3 ounces who was quiet but equally as strong.  Each of them so tiny, but each of them nothing short of miraculous.  

Introducing Baby A! (We have chosen to keep their names private on public sites)

Introducing Baby B!

At 1 lb 12 oz and 2 lbs 3 oz, respectively, they truly are tiny.  Absolute perfection, just itsy bitsy.

I wasn't expecting them to be born that soon and I really wanted to keep them inside me a little longer.  I argued with the doctor trying to squeeze out at least one more day, but she wanted me to be around to be a wife to my husband and a mother to all four of my beautiful children so she wouldn't take "no" for an answer. As much as I wanted to protect them, I knew she was right.  All I could do was trust God and His perfect timing.

As it turned out, His timing truly was no less than perfect; Baby A had the cord wrapped around her neck and with no amniotic fluid to make her weightless it was causing her quite a bit of trouble.  There was also a massive clot floating around from all of the internal bleeding which could have taken all three of us out at any given moment, so yes, it was perfect timing.

God had also heard my prayers and gave us two babies born alive, healthy, strong and stable...and he added "feisty" to the mix, perhaps to make sure I knew He was there; in the past week both of our girls have earned, and rightfully so, the reputation among the doctors and nurses as being feisty.  Feisty is good (granted I'm not the one trying to maneuver tiny tubes or change their diapers!).  Feisty means they are strong.  Feisty means they are tiny little warriors protected by God's holy armor.

Such personalities! One of our early ultrasounds with Baby B all stretched out...on her sister's head who was curled up in a tight little ball.

Our Baby B all stretched out in the sun (or bili light)...

Our Baby A curled up in a tight little ball...somethings just don't change!

Over the past week in the NICU they have had more ups than downs.  Both needed considerable support breathing and started off with nitric oxcide, but both graduated down to oxygen support and then down to room air and are each working very hard on their own to breathe above their ventilators.  They each hung out for a few days under the bili light which finally was turned off today.  They also just started on colostrum care and appear to be very good eaters.  Baby B has a heart murmur and is on her second round of medication to help her heart function normally.  Baby A has had a blood transfusion and is getting a second one today.   It is a two steps forward, one step backwards dance, but they are still charging forward.

This has been such a joyous and terrifying experience.  I love them both with all of my heart and soul and knowing that God loves them even more than I do has helped bring me peace during the scary times.  I have complete faith and trust in Him to protect these precious little babies and make their paths smooth and I'm looking forward to bringing them both home (in about 4 months) to start the next chapter of our lives.

Thank you everyone who has been praying for these little lives.  Scripture tells us that whenever there are two or more people praying asking for the same thing it will be done for them, so I ask that you please join me in saying the prayer below.

Matthew 18:19-20

Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.  For where two or three gather in my name, there I am with them.

Mark 11:23

Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, "Go, throw yourself into the sea," and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them.  

Inspirational Quote:

First two became one, and then with God's blessing, one became two. ~ Me

My Prayer:

Dear God, I know You can do anything because You already have; You took one baby and turned it into two tiny miracles.  Thank You.  You have protected these little lives every step of the way through this journey and You have delivered them into this world equipped with the strength, courage and love they would need to survive.  Thank You.  
There truly is nothing you cannot do so I ask with complete faith and trust, without any doubt in my heart, that You take this mountain of obstacles which lies ahead of both of these babies and you throw it into the sea leaving their path smooth so that they may thrive not just survive.  Thank You for Your bountiful blessings, thank You for your endless love, and thank You for Your unwavering protection.  I love You and I trust You.  In Jesus' Name Amen.