After a looong drive through Kansas we arrived in Denver late Thursday night. We had the first appointment of the day in the Colorado Fetal Care Center the next morning. In fact, our appointment was scheduled before the doors to the building were even unlocked.
The staff and the doctors were wonderfully gracious, kind and caring. They were squeezing us in as an emergency but we never felt rushed or like we were an inconvenience to them. The ultrasound technician immediately told us she found two strong heartbeats (always a sign of a good ultrasound tech in my humble opinion). As long as there were still two heartbeats there was still hope!
The doctor worked side by side with her for three hours getting all of the important measurements. Baby A, our donor baby, had no signs of a bladder and the membrane separating the two sacs was wrapped around Baby A like saran wrap. Not a good sign. Baby B, our recipient, was swimming in an ocean of fluid. Again, not a good sign. So we had a fetal echo cardiogram done to check the hearts of both babies. Fortunately Baby A had a strong heart, but Baby B was suffering from heart failure from having too much fluid.
In our family meeting with the surgical team (including the world renowned Dr. Crombeholme, who literally has written medical books on TTTS) we learned that our babies jumped from Stage 2 TTTS on Monday to Stage 3C TTTS (out of 4 possible stages - the 5th one being death) on Friday. The doctors explained to us that, if we agreed to the surgery, they would enter Baby B’s sac and examine the blood vessels in the placenta and use a laser to close off the blood vessels causing the uneven distribution of resources. They would also poke tiny holes in the membrane separating the two sacs to allow fluid to flow evenly between the two babies so A could have some wiggle room and B wouldn’t be swimming in quite so much. Since we would be 15 weeks 6 days for the surgery they gave us an 85% chance of saving both babies - which I might add was significantly higher than the 50% we found from our own research on the internet! Electing not to operate would most likely result in at least one fetal death within the week. Agreeing to the surgery was quite possibly the simplest decision we have ever made!
We were reassured by the confidence of the medical team, but I was still so anxious. It was possible I had only a few hours left with both of my twins’ heartbeats still beating still inside of me. I cried and I prayed. I wrote a letter to babies while I knew I still had them both inside of me telling them how much we loved them. Telling them how much we wanted them. Telling to love one another. Telling them not to be afraid. And I prayed and I prayed and I prayed.
What brought me the most peace was acknowledging that even if we were separated before our time, I knew we would be reunited again in Heaven. I asked Mary, the Blessed Mother, to adopt my babies and raise them as her own until I could get there to take over. Surrendering so completely was incredibly hard to do (it took me a few tries for it to be truly genuine - there was a whisper of doubt I had to push through) but it brought me so much peace in knowing that no matter what the outcome, they would be loved and nurtured...and it would give me two really good reasons to live a righteous life so I could meet them someday!
Philippians 4:6-7
What brought me the most peace was acknowledging that even if we were separated before our time, I knew we would be reunited again in Heaven. I asked Mary, the Blessed Mother, to adopt my babies and raise them as her own until I could get there to take over. Surrendering so completely was incredibly hard to do (it took me a few tries for it to be truly genuine - there was a whisper of doubt I had to push through) but it brought me so much peace in knowing that no matter what the outcome, they would be loved and nurtured...and it would give me two really good reasons to live a righteous life so I could meet them someday!
Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Jesus Christ.
Inspirational Quote:
"If God brings you to it He will bring you through it." ~Anonymous
A Mother’s Desperate Prayer:
Dear Heavenly Father,My life and the lives of these two little babies are in Your hands. We surrender to Your will. We know in all thing you work for the good of those who love you. We love you and we trust you. We would like the privilege of raising these babies as part of our family to know You, to love You and to serve You. If that is not possible I ask that you and Mary, mother of Jesus, adopt these babies and raise them as your own until we can be reunited as a family in Your kingdom of heaven. We love you and we trust You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Recommended Reading: Heaven is for Real: A Little Boy's Astounding Story of His Trip to Heaven and Back by Todd Burpo
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